Reading Response to Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

           In the book Speak there is alot of talk about having a loss of friends. The main character, Melinda, struggles with mixed emotions about the loss of her friends, the loss of her chance of making any friends (no one liking her/accepting her for who she is), and how she feels that if she speaks about what happened, it would only make matters worse for her.
           In the book, Melinda goes to an end-of-the-summer party, the party of the year, which is where her reputation is officially ruined after she makes a phone call to the cops. At the party Melinda (who is 13) gets drunk, and wanders into the forest (not far, just outside of the barn, REMINDER: the party is in the barn), when a senior starts to flirt with her. They start to dance, when he started to kiss her, then asked 'Do you want to?'. She didn't give a n answer, she didn't know. Next thing she knew they were on the ground, and she was trying to say no, but her tounge was thick with beer, so nothing came out. Next thing she knew wham! shirt up, shorts down and he hurt her. Next thing she could remember was stumbling into the kitchen for a phone. She dialed 911, as an officer asked her what was her emergency. She couldn't say anything, but the police tracked down the phone, she was crying hard, until someone grabbed the phone and shouted THE COPS!!! Everyone was mad, someone even slapped her, but she crawled out of the room, and walked home where her mom and dad weren't.
          
           Ever since this happened, there has always been two sides of Melinda, one that was always safe, and ready to run, and another that was ready to have fun and explore. Throughout the book, Melinda has alot of conversations in the head (Melinda 1, and Melinda 2) in which she argue's with herself. For example, there is one time where a boy called David invites Melinda to a pizza party at his house after one of there schools basketball games (their school actually won the game!) but Melinda says no because she is scared of what could happen, and argue's with herself on her way home:
                  'I think it's some kind of psychiatric disorder when you have more than one
                  personality in your head. That's what it feels like when i walk home. The two
                  Melindas fight every step of the way. Melinda One is pissed that she couldn't
                  go to the party.

                  Melinda One: "Get a life. It was just pizza. He wasn't going to try anything.
                  His parents were going to be there! You worry too much. You're never
                  going to let us have any fun, are you? You're going to turn into one of those
                  weird old ladies who has a hundred cats and calls the cops when kids cut
                  across her backyard. I can't stand you."

                  Melinda Two waits for One to finish her tnatrum. Two carefully watches the
                  bushes along the sidewalk for any lurking bogeyman or worse.
              
                  Melinda Two: "The world is a dangerous place. You don't know what would
                  have happened. What if he was just saying his parents were gonna be there?
                  He could have been lying. You can never tell when people are lying. Assume
                  the worst. Plan for disaster. Now hurry up and get us home. I don't like it out
                  here. It's too dark."

                  If I kick both of them out of my head, who would be left?'

            With all that Melinda went through (some which she might need some therapy), she uses silence as a keyto prevent stuff from happening, because she doesn't want to tell who won't believe her. For example, when Melinda has a meeting in the Pricipals office with her Mom, her Dad, and the Guidence counselor. (The meeting is about slipping grades, cutting classes, and absences). During the whole meeting, Melinda doesn't speak, instead sits in her chair and listens to the bickering.The whole timeshe sits there, she is constanly provoked to speak, but it doesn't crack her. Instead in her head, she stays wondering if her own parents would believe anything that she would have to say. Onstead, she chose to stay quiet. She wonders:
              
                 'Do they choose to be so dense? Were they born that way?
                 I have no friends. I have nothing. I say nothing. I am nothing.
                 I wonder how long it takes to ride a bus to Arizona.'

            In conclusion, I thought that the book was sad because people dont know what actually happened, and no one thought of actually taking the time to talk to Melinda, or at least be a friend. It wasn't even that big of a deal that she called thecops, its not like there are not going to be any other parties in their lives'. No one understood that for Melinda, it was an instinct for her to call the cops after what happened to her, something that she felt that she needed to do.